I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
