apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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