I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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