I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
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He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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