Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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