Don't make out with my wife yet
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
