I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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