just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
