The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Rumble strips road head = magical
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
