it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
