make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
