I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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