Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
