I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
