I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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