apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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