hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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