I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
