I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
