I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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