I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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