____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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