i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
