Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
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I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize