I look better un-naked...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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