I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
