that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
