hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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