I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
