Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
