He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
