Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We need to get me chipped asap
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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