my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
