I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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