Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Randomize