Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
