I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
