Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
