ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
