"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
