so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
