I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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