I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
How did I end up in the pool?!
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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