speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
