I think I am morally bankrupt
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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