I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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