I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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