There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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