So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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