so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
