Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
