dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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