dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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