Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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