i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
