i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
