at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
