I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Someone shattered a urinal.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
