I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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