woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?