More tranny stories later!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS