Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.