a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.