Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?

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  (412): Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline? http://tfl.nu/g8m6
  Replies (45) Good night (1434) Bad night (492)
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  (805): View more from California

  Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"

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  (805): Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore" http://tfl.nu/y23i
  Replies (2) Good night (1351) Bad night (856)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.

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  (301): roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away. http://tfl.nu/4epj
  Replies (7) Good night (2635) Bad night (532)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.

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  (309): She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack. http://tfl.nu/09jw
  Replies (17) Good night (3088) Bad night (1062)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them

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  (724): I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them http://tfl.nu/zqoq
  Replies (14) Good night (831) Bad night (3616)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number

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  (709): a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number http://tfl.nu/syte
  Replies (14) Good night (2939) Bad night (1233)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize

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  (845): weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize http://tfl.nu/jvbl
  Replies (19) Good night (7340) Bad night (1027)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.

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  (847): she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay. http://tfl.nu/cwvk
  Replies (4) Good night (727) Bad night (2955)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?

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  (719): If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies? http://tfl.nu/dbdn
  Replies (9) Good night (1780) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD

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  (614): Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD http://tfl.nu/nf04
  Replies (8) Good night (1308) Bad night (383)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"

  (1+61): View more from

  I don't know if I want context or not...

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.

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  (+61): After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort" (1+61): I don't know if I want context or not... (+61): Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5. http://tfl.nu/jpk3
  Replies (2) Good night (684) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.

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  (+61): You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you. http://tfl.nu/171s
  Replies (6) Good night (1084) Bad night (209)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library

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  (949): I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library http://tfl.nu/jhv7
  Replies (3) Good night (502) Bad night (184)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...

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  (307): I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me... http://tfl.nu/hfzb
  Replies (1) Good night (456) Bad night (148)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills

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  (802): New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills http://tfl.nu/1x0y
  Replies (4) Good night (850) Bad night (280)

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