I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.