Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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