gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
