I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.