Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.

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  (310): I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE. http://tfl.nu/dkfu
  Replies (15) Good night (3774) Bad night (636)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.

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  (307): I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that. http://tfl.nu/zno7
  Replies (16) Good night (5999) Bad night (807)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.

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  (484): Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week. http://tfl.nu/8afy
  Replies (6) Good night (4062) Bad night (861)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"

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  (860): at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!" http://tfl.nu/hob5
  Replies (12) Good night (5548) Bad night (1157)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home

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  (412): when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home http://tfl.nu/u8cd
  Replies (8) Good night (3088) Bad night (994)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.

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  (319): This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner. http://tfl.nu/r7j7
  Replies (7) Good night (823) Bad night (2942)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.

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  (403): the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask. http://tfl.nu/zsyi
  Replies (1) Good night (942) Bad night (2420)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.

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  (740): I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am. http://tfl.nu/gox1
  Replies (2) Good night (1862) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"

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  (248): So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal" http://tfl.nu/879f
  Replies (6) Good night (1708) Bad night (713)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally

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  (605): He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally http://tfl.nu/nljb
  Replies (3) Good night (424) Bad night (941)
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  (619): View more from California

  The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it

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  (619): The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it http://tfl.nu/3uov
  Replies (8) Good night (1218) Bad night (372)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.

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  (402): Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building. http://tfl.nu/eh2u
  Replies (2) Good night (505) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day

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  (813): Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day http://tfl.nu/x25b
  Replies (4) Good night (297) Bad night (689)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home

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  (503): Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home http://tfl.nu/qybd
  Replies (5) Good night (458) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.

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  (206): I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt. http://tfl.nu/fjy2
  Replies (1) Good night (622) Bad night (718)

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