Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
