No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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