I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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