I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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