I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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