hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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